Я тут поняла, что есть люди, которым "Восхождение Юпитер" понравилось и даже не просто как "нормально, попкорна пожевать", почувствовала жгучую попоболь и решила, что мне необходимо ещё похейтить.

Кто помнит, что я говорила про сипящего, а потом внезапно вопящего персонажа Редмейна?
Наткнулась на рецензию, где человек слово в слово повторяет мои впечатления, а потом ещё добавляет (подчёркнутое):

«and his mode is to speak in a breathy mumble and then, occasionally, just scream out of nowhere. In a way, it’s an amazingly horrible performance, an example of what can happen when an easy-going young actor makes the mistake of doing whatever his directors tell him. Going into the Oscar vote, in which Redmayne is Michael Keaton’s chief competitor, Keaton really should be sending the Wachowskis a fruit basket. Perhaps flowers, too, but at minimum a basket with nice pears, different kinds of apples and maybe a pineapple.»


Правда, дядечка считает, что визуал удался (с чем я не согласна), но хоть насчёт экшен-сцен мы не расходимся.

отсюда


А ещё я отлично провела время, читая зрительские рецензии на RottenTomatoes. Ржала до слёз.
"пара" цытаток ENG
Pros: Production design. And the fact that it ends.
Cons: Absolutely everything else. EVERYTHING.
_***
"Jupiter Ascending" is no exception to that notion, because the promising opening sequences that this film does deliver on, is quickly thrown under the rug as the horrific dialogue ensues.
_***
Right away, mere moments after leaving the theater, I knew the first step to make Jupiter Ascending a significantly better movie: completely remove the title character. First off, her name is awful and makes me think she'd be a character in the Jetsons universe. Mostly, she's a terrible protagonist because she is merely a fairy tale wish fulfillment masquerading as a person. Her normal life is miserable but secretly she's a space princess who is the reincarnation of a space queen.
_***
And then all of a sudden a romance materializes between her and Caine because of course it does. I use "materializes" because there is no actual setup of any kind beyond the fact that Kunis and Tatum are attractive specimens. Their romantic dialogue will produce dangerously violent eye rolls.
_***
It's impossible to discuss the film without acknowledging how damn goofy the whole enterprise comes across. Caine is part wolf, part albino, part human, and apparently part angel since he got his wings removed as a punishment. Does that seem like a good combination of elements or like the aftermath of a drunken writing session?
_***
It's too bad that the action too often feels like a bunch of pixels exploding, failing to provide a sense of immersion. It's hard to get a feel for most of the action and its use of space, save for portions of the finale. There is one very fun and well-choreographed fight between Caine and a... dragon... sentry guy (I don't really know what to call these winged henchmen). That fight is exciting. It's a shame there aren't more of them. Bring on more dragon sentry guys.
_***
Reserve some pity for poor Eddie Redmayne, a man who will be experiencing the highs and lows of acting this month. He's the frontrunner to win Best Actor for his stirring work as Stephen Hawking in The Theory of Everything, which is what makes his performance here even more astonishingly awful. He speaks in this effete whisper for the entire movie, one that is hardly audible at all, except for the occasional line where he screams and spasms, making the contrast all the more funny. He constantly holds his head back like he's in danger of nosebleeds. This is a performance of such startling misdirection that I physically felt bad for Redmayne. He seemed to be reaching out to me, pleading through his glassy eyes, communicating, "Help me, help me."
_***
A good basic idea buried in a bad story, bad casting, horrible CGI, and unviewable fight choreography. Put it all together and you have Jupiter Ascending. This is an overly done waste of time to watch, brought to you by the Wachowski brothers. Yes, the same ones who made one of the best action movies of all time wrote and directed Jupiter Ascending.
_***
But the saddest and most confusing thing of all? Eddie Redmayne--who is up for an Oscar this year for his great work in The Theory of Everything--is laugh-out-loud bad. I actually burst out laughing at two of his line deliveries. I don't believe I've ever seen the same actor be so very good and so very abysmal in the same year. Save your money.
_***
The worst (funniest?) part is that the film takes itself DEAD SERIOUSLY which makes it's failure all the more spectacular. It really thinks it's an astonishing Space Epic.
_***
You feel like you're being skipped off from one exhibit to another, especially when Jupiter is kidnapped and threatened by each of the three Abrasax children in a row. Seriously, the entire scenario is on repeat, so when Jupiter continues making naïve choices, you can slap yourself extra hard having been through this purgatory just moments before. It's only a matter of time before she gives in to whatever Abrasax demands again. There's a general sense of repetition to the plot compounded by Jupiter's incessant need to be saved (she seems to be falling a lot, out of spaceships, buildings, vehicles, etc., which also gets tiresome). The scheming Abrasax children seem to just slide in and out as the plot requires, with little in the way of resolution.